The more I think, the crazier I get.

These are kind of rough poems that I always plan on revising, but pretty much I'm too lazy to. So, here they are in all of their beautiful roughness. :)

and together we will learn to love.
Oh, Thunder you are
the heart beat to my soul.

You rumble
like the thoughts of
my closest friend
who has chosen to
close her ears
to only hear,
not to listen.

You stomp
like my feet
running from the
responsibilities of
the world claiming
my name to be theirs.

You roar
like my voice
crying to the
empty heavens
for answers
that cant seem
to be found



You say this love
that overwhelms
all other thoughts
will last until
the world's end.
But I saw
the feeling of regret
on your face
when she swayed her hips
while prancing on by
and I think youre playing pretend.

I dont really know where that one came from. But I kind of like it. :)


This has been a pretty tough year. I dont really know why its different than any other year. But I've just been distant. I get to thinking, and I kind of get mad at God. Which is something that I have never felt before. So, I get mad at God, then I realize what is going on. And I just blame myself, because really, it is my fault. But then I just go over and over the stuff that makes me so broken. And I just think, well, why would God or anyone else want to love me when I am like this? So, then I just say forget it, and the whole story starts again...Annnd I'm pretty sure I'm crazy. :)
On one of those days/ nights where I was going through this, I wrote this poem. It's pretty rough, and the transitions could be better, but I think I'm going to leave it as I wrote it. It's more honest that way.

We looked at your creation,
the vast starlit sky
and the moonlight shined on your face.
and I saw the adoration in your eyes
Then you turned your head to me
And Jesus, you told me you loved me.
With more emotion and truth
Than I had ever heard.
And I believed you.
You told me that I was
just as beautiful as the sparkling sky
and more gentle than the soft grass
between our toes
And that I made you happier than
anything in this place.
And I believed you.
I couldnt see because my eyes were full of tears
So, I reached for your embrace
And you hugged me.
And you wrapped your calloused hands
around my fragile body
And you squeezed so hard
We began to laugh.
I laughed with you, Jesus
With more joy than I had ever felt.
Your deep, laugh shook me
And echoed in the night sky
But then I felt the tears on my cheek
And remembered what caused this.
And I stopped laughing.
I am ugly.
I am weak.
I am lonely.
I am bad.
I am unlovable.
Jesus, you told me not to think.
Just be.
I am here, you told me.
And I always will be.


That kind of reminds me of The Shack...

[it must be so lonely to be the only one who's holy]

Less Than Perfect Saint

Throw the first stone
Throw it.
Dont hold back now.

I hear your mumbling.
Said in whispers
"Begging for attention," you say
"Sinning against His will."
Well, perfection isn't yours, my friend.
You belong here with me.
Kneeling humiliated
In this sand.

But stand there
And judge me.
Pick up your gavel
And stare.
Charge me with my sin
So I can ask for forgiveness
And you can see this "beggar"
Find riches.

While you claim holiness.
You will remain in darkness.