Rant

Here's a little ranty rant of mine since I'm feeling sorry for myself:

Why is the feeling never mutual?

Let me explain. I see guys around, and when I see a cute one I remember what they look like. And even not cute people. But then does it ever go the other way around?? Doesnt seem to be that way.

I am invisible to people. Unrecognizable.

Story of my life.

I never let people know that I'm in their class, because it seems to be that they have no idea I'm in their class. And its just plain embarrassing after awhile. And frustrating.

Maybe I'm just looking for an ego boost. I dont know. But I'm tired of being the one that recognizes other people, and they never see me.

And maybe the reason people dont know I'm in their classes is because I usually dont say much in class. But that doesnt explain why they dont recognize me any where else. And even the people in class that dont say much, I recognize. There are people I see everywhere! And I say oo, thats the guy I see on my way to class or something. BUUUT do they ever do that?! No!

:)

And I know what my sisters/friends would say to me. Well, maybe some people do recognize you, but you never find out.

Well, to that I dont know what to say. I just wish I would know every so often. It would make me feel better. :)

Do you feel sorry for me?

Good.

;)

The end.

I am especially fond of you.

Just got done reading The Shack for the second time. No different from the first time. LOVE it. :)

Here are a few quotable quotes from the book. And some of my thoughts after the quotes.

Pain has a way of clipping our wings and keeping us from being able to fly. And if it's left unresolved for very long. You can almost forget that you were ever created to fly in the first place.

I am significant.

Oh, how different my life would be if I just remembered this.

Because you do not know that I love you, you cannot trust me.

I always have this problem of not knowing if I'm putting my trust in God. This kind of makes sense because I also have a problem with knowing for sure that God loves me. I mean, yes, its what I've been taught from Sunday School and such, but I agreed to that emptily. Actually, thats a lie. I believe that I knew it with all my heart when I was young. Now, its hard to believe that someone would love all of me, all of the time. Man, did I love Jesus when I was young.

Discover that our relationship is not about performance or your having to please me.

Definitely something I need to discover. Rules and guilt is what I keep making this out to be. During high school and ICC I didnt want to go to church or devotionals or straight up learn about my Creator. Part of it was because it became routine and emotionless. But the other part was because the only reason I did any of that was because I felt like I had to. If I didnt go to church I would feel guilty. Having the rules and expectations break away is so freaking relieving. :)

You dont have to have it all figured out. Just be with me.

Such comforting words, because let me the first to say, I do not have it all figured out.

Guilt will never help you find freedom in me.

Dont forget that in the midst of all your pain and heartache, you are surrounded by beauty, the wonder of creation, art, your music and culture, the sounds of laughter and love, of whispered hopes.

I purpose to work life out of death, to bring freedom out of brokenness, and turn darkness into light.

It is not the nature of love to force a relationship but it is the nature of love to open the way.

I think we forget this. Being around people that don't believe in God has totally opened my eyes. People are turning away from God because of the "Christians" are shoving their god down these people's throats. Its sad.

For you to know it or not has nothing at all to do with whether I am actually here or not. I am always with you; sometimes I want you to be aware in a special way-more intentional.

I wish You wanted me to aware more often.

So, please, help me live in the truth.

This is my prayer.

Religion must use law to empower itself and control the people needed in order to survive. I give you an ability to respond and your response is to be free to love and serve in every situation, and therefore each moment is different and unique and wonderful.

Nothing is ritual.