When I say weird, I say it as a good thing.

I have been realizing things about myself recently. I really kind of hate writing in this or journals really, because I have so many things going on in my head. I cant get it all out, especially said intelligently. Its pretty frustrating!

REALIZATION 1: I'm very picky about the people in my life. (..probably why I dont have a best friend...) (And when I say I dont have a best friend, I'm not being mean to myself. Its the truth. As much as it sucks, thats the way it is. I dont have someone that comes to me with everything going on or hangs out with me because they want to, not because they dont have anyone else. :] Its just life. ) Like I get pretty annoyed with people easily. I dont let them know it, because it has nothing to do with them. Its just because when I spend lots of time with people and dont get time to myself, I just get cranky. ha.

I talked to my aunt and uncle recently and we discussed how awkwardness/lonerness/weirdness runs in our family. :)

Its the way we are. We need time to ourselves in order hang out with our peeps. ;) And we like being with people, we just need to have our me time. We need our energy to be ourselves when are with people. --It takes lots of energy to be weird!--

speaking of weird.

REALIZATION 2: I am weird. I realize this. (clearly...) I wish I could be weird all the time, but I guess I'm not confident enough to be. But when I'm around people that correspond to my weirdness, I AM WEIRD! And I could not be more happy! I love when I'm around the people that can love me weirdness and all (aka=family)! I am content in all my weirdness!

I wish I had more people that I could be myself, fully, around.

I JUST FREAKIN LOVE MY FAMILY!

They think I'm funny and I love that they get my sense of humor!

which brings us to...

REALIZATION 3: My family thinks I'm weird. Like funny weird. Like I tell stories or stuff that I think is hilarious, and they laugh. I love making people laugh. I so feed off of it, and that makes me happy. I never really think of myself as funny, but its like expected for me to be weird. And I'm not gonna lie, I love that. They think I'm funny, they really do! :)

Or maybe they just think I'm goofy and awkward. But. They still think thats funny. I am unique. and people like me.

Sorry, that I'm just now realizing that part, but for serious. Even if the only people that I will be best friends with are my family, specifically my sisters, I'm fine with that. They are freaking awesome. Each of my sisters are so different, and I love them each for different reasons, and I love them! I freaking love them. haha.

Can you tell I'm happy today? Cause I am. FREAKING FANTASTICALLY HAPPY.

:)

P.S. on Realization 3: I was showing mom videos of this guy that I am obsessed with (see new obsession 1), and she said see you could do that! And let me be clear, he makes money off of being weird. :)

REALIZATION 4: I kind of already knew this, but it is fully realized now...but I really need my husband to be some kind of creative-SLASH!-artistic and spontaneous. So I dont get bored or something. Art is something that I am interested in. Really any medium of art too. But I think that you have to be an interesting person in order to be an artist, so yeah. Theres my reasoning behind that. Anyways.

REALIZATION 5: College is the hardest part of keeping your faith, right? Well, thank goodness for ICC. --Never thought I would say/write that.-- I was having the hardest time at ICC. Nothing was really happening, I was just fading. And eventually I was just stuck. Now, that I'm in "real" college, my faith is reappearing. I needed a change. And hooray! :)

NEW OBSESSION 1: I had to change it up because this is not a realization, but a new obsession. I dont know if it has something to do with my personality or me being a loner or what, but I always have to have something that I am obsessed about. So, Miranda sent me this message with this guy doing a little video. I thought it was pretty hilarious, so I was like well, maybe this guy has more videos...well he DOES! Seriously, tons. And guess what I did for like the rest of the week. Sat in my room watching these videos spanned over three years of his life, into like three days of my life.

Since I have watched that one stupid video I have been thinking of nothing else. (Well, maybe like food and sleep and some homework...but mostly that guy). (hmm, sounds creepy..)

Anyway.

I am obsessed. I have probably watched all the videos I can, but then I found out that he has a website. So, there goes next week.

Oh, yeah, and he may be a bit attractive as well. :\

Annnnd, he's weird. So that is what has inspired all this weirdness talk. And it has put me in really good moods. ha. good moods=me being weird.

SIDENOTE: I feel like I'm missing something in my life. I need something and I cant put my finger on it. Its like trying to remember a dream, and you can remember parts of it, but its a little fuzzy, so it doesnt even make sense.

So. That was long. And I'm pretty sure.....weird. :)